For my creative project, I will do something related with my artwork because I find that I start to draw (well doodle) only when I’m feeling emotional; I’m either experiencing a profound euphoria or I’m in a despair state of mind where everything around me is depressing, and the only outlet I feel I have to express what I’m feeling is through art. However, I find that I mostly tend to doodle when I’m feeling sad. When I’m feeling sad, I’m inclined to take out my watercolors and begin to let my imagination run wild without putting any restrictions on my conscious. When I feel I have to express something internal that I cannot describe with words, painting is a way to express what in other words feels wordless in my life because I give meaning to what is internally bugging me. I don’t think about what I am going to doodle. I just take the paintbrush in my hand and begin to draw random lines on the paper. The paintbrush in my hand begins to move in whatever direction it likes and I allow it. I often feel mindless when I’m drawing because I don’t think of nothing; I don’t think of what color I’m going to select next when painting or what shape to draw.
I have noticed when I try to think about what to draw, I find myself feeling like I can’t draw, or I feel like I’m trying too hard to paint something. It’s easier to just not think of anything and allow my conscious to express itself freely and without restrictions because when I allow my conscious to be free like the wind, the drawings (doodles) I end up with impress me. The paintings are nothing rational that anyone looking at can make sense of, but the paintings speak to me; they often make sense to me. The paintings take on their own form and the message I often receive by looking at them is rebirth. I don’t know why, but rebirth is what often pops in my head when I look at the finished painting. Weird.
I find that when I draw, I have to use a lot of bright colors. The colors I draw/paint with are mostly all shades of blues, greens, yellows, purples, etc… I have noticed that I tend to avoid using the colors red and black in my paintings. I have not figured out why I do that, but I’m hoping to discover the reason for it before my presentation day. The color I’m mostly drawn to using is blue. The color blue reminds me of the ocean, which happens to be one of my favorite places to visit whenever I’m feeling “blue.” In other words, the color blue has a significant meaning in my life because it signifies the deep void inside of my chest that is profound like the ocean. I tend to want to express what I feel is lacking in my life? I don’t know.
I will be analyzing and interpreting the paintings I have drawn and kept over the years to discover the hidden message or messages my subconscious has been trying to tell me before my presentation day.
It sounds like you use your painting in order to rejuvinate yourself, as the theme you tend to see in your paintings is “rebirth”. And it sounds like you do it (most of the time) in order to brighten up your mood (like when you use bright colors), especially in order to overcome whatever sadness you're feeling. It does sound odd that you tend not to use the colors red and black, maybe because it signifies violence and death? I'll like to hear whatever revelation you come up with by the time the creative presentations come around. But it's pretty cool that you can have that kind of an outlet where you can create something out of a feeling that seems like it can limit a person (such as sadness or depression).
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